Devil Cat


I am an animal lover. I love animals in the zoo, in other people’s houses, and in the wild. I don’t love animals in my house. Pets are like children that never grow up. They never learn to talk, use the bathroom, or balance a checkbook. Many people like pets – more power to them. I like other people’s pets, I just don’t want to be a servant to a pet like those other people seem to be.

So I laid down the law in my house – no pets unless they have gills. My wife heard this proclamation and decided she would never get a cat going through legal channels. In an act of civil disobedience, she brought home a cat. Now what am I supposed to do? I can’t end my marriage over a cat and if I make her get rid of it, she will just resent me for it. I fear I’m stuck with it.

I’ll admit that it’s a pretty cute cat. Of course, I was cute when I was 6 weeks old too. Now look at me. I’m fatter, uglier and I cost a lot more to maintain. As am I, so shall be this cat. Forty bucks for declawing, $60 for spaying (or the other one, I’m not sure), food, litter, toys, vet bills, etc.

Those of you who share my sentiments are pitying me right now. Thank you, I feel the love. The other 95% of you are probably pet owners and think I’m a jerk. It’s okay, I am. Maybe there’s some good that will come out of it. Maybe, over time, I will learn to like pets (e.g. having my house smell like a barn and flushing money down the toilet). I have learned one lesson, however: I should have been more like Dale Carnegie. I shouldn’t have laid down the law, but rather persuaded my wife that she didn’t want a cat. I don’t know if I would have been successful, but I do know that I couldn’t have failed any worse than this.

You know what I hate about blogs? It’s a bunch of people talking about their pets. Now I’ve gone and ruined a perfectly good blog by doing the same thing. Next I’ll be telling you what color my socks are. Thanks for indulging me and I promise not to mention this cat again unless it learns how to use Excel.

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12 thoughts on “Devil Cat

  1. Too bad you didn’t play up your allergy to cat dander…. My wife and I are both sensitive to household pet fur, even to the point where my daughter had to withdraw from caring for the class hamster after the first weekend we had the varmint. I figure that I’ve got three kids, what do I need a pet for?

    – Jon

  2. On a completely unrelated post, what’s the story with the loading times for this page? If I’m at work (T1 line, nice, 100M per second +), the blog page takes a good 45 seconds + to load. I endure it because I know the quality it delivers. I get the title bar and the side bar straightaway, but the actual blog entries take forever.

    At home (modem, 56K), I get the page almost instantly. Anyone else had this problem?

  3. This would be a far better spot to put my query, but as i’m reading things in order of the most recent post…

    Please refer to the “Devil Cat” post for my thoughts…

  4. As far as a response from the “At home (modem, 56K), I get the page almost instantly. Anyone else had this problem?” issue, I have the same exact thing. . .glad to hear it was just not me !

  5. Neat site – oh & for your cat: Save on litter, hassle, etc.

    Not sure how old before you should start potty-training the cat. Might want to wait a bit – you don’t want to have to explain to your wife why devil-cat drowned while she was out.

    Teach it other tricks like coming when you whistle (Pavlov, food, you get the idea)
    Teach it to play fetch (crumpled Post-it notes should work)

    Then it should be ready for macros, then some serious VBA…

  6. Dick, I know what you’re saying. I often dog-sit for a friend – but that’s at her house – it’s like enjoying being an uncle – you can always pass them back later! One thing – I don’t know how it works in the States, but if it’s like over here for heaven’s sake get vet insurance – it’s saved my friend a fortune over the years.

  7. Right now my socks are white. I change them once per week whether I need to or not.

    My wife has one kid and one child-like husband, why the hell does she need a cat? Life’s a mystery.

    Cat food – I think JWalk has a webpage of products that have Excel on the packaging. I tried to find it to see if the cat food was there, but I couldn’t find it.

    You mean I’ll have to wait for someone ELSE to get done in the bathroom?

    Vet insurance? Everyone tells me that female cats never get sick and I won’t have to go to the vet. And if you pull this leg, it plays Jingle Bells.

  8. “I endure it because I know the quality it delivers”

    Wow! That’s one hell of a compliment. Thanks.

    I’m sorry you guys are having to wait. That’s unacceptable to me. I’ll be moving servers soon, so I hope I won’t be asking to much for you to let me know if things improve after the switch.

    The title and side bar are pretty static, so I would expect the actual entries to take longer – but not that long. Stay tuned, I will get it fixed.

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