The Best Man

In a couple of weeks I will be serving as the best man for my friend’s wedding. It will be in name only, I assure you. The role of best man comes with certain obligations, such as organizing the bachelor party, renting a tux, and giving a speech.

I’ve been told that there will be no bachelor party. Stags usually take the form of strip club, poker night, and/or golf outing. The Groom has no interest in strip clubs or poker (Yes, it’s a heterosexual wedding, he just doesn’t like that stuff). The wedding is in St. Louis and most of the wedding party will be from out of town. Thus, not many will have golf clubs, so that got nixed as well (I’ll have my clubs just in case).

They set up the tuxedo rentals from Men’s Warehouse. I was measured and paid in Omaha and the suit will be shipped to St. Louis where I’ll pick it up the day before. I didn’t know they had that kind of program, but I like it. What I didn’t like was shelling out $120 for a suit that I’ll wear for 10 hours. It seems that I could buy a tux for not too much more than that. I really don’t have much occasion to where one though.

Then there’s the speech. Like most people, I have no great love of public speaking. On the other hand, I it’s not at the top of my list of fears like it is for some (even higher than death). I do know that I hate listening to best man toasts as they are usually long and boring. I aim to keep mine short and interesting, but no small task that. I’ll be shooting for 60 seconds or less and jam packed with humor. I perused The Best Man. It’s a nice site – well written and lots of good tips.

This, and a few other, sites that I visited also seem to think that I should be decorating the car. I have no interest in that and will try to avoid that duty if at all possible.

I suppose I’ll have to get them a gift, too. The Groom is 36 years old, so at this point in his life he should have pretty much everything he needs. I think I’ll get him a box of Macanudos and a bottle of Tangueray. It’s what I would want.

I also need to remember to load up on caffeine the morning of the wedding. They’re Catholic, and if the weddings of my youth are any indication, that means two hours in an unairconditioned church in the sweltering Missouri heat. Fun!

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12 thoughts on “The Best Man

  1. Reconsider the caffeine. As best man, you won’t be able to sneak out for a pee break.

  2. I agree with vkd. Avoid caffiene. Many Catholic churches have air conditioning now. Even so, I wouldn’t completely eliminate liquids before the service, unless you want to end up on a clip show as a Best Man who passed out. I mean, just in case this church doesn’t have A/C. Water, yes; caffiene, no.

    Wear comfortable shoes. Trust me on this one.

  3. Don’t trust Tina. Wear the shoes you rented with the Tux. Wearing anything else will only get the bride pissed off at you. Better to have blisters.

  4. Make sure you show up somewhere that you can try on the tux a day or two ahead of time. Don’t trust their initial measurements and fitting.

  5. Good advice. I agree that water would be better from a dehydration standpoint, but what about the boredom factor? I’ll probably skip the soda and the water and get a flask. Not good if it’s hot, but I should be self entertaining if I’m half in the bag. I think vkd’s right about the shoes. Maybe I should get some of those diposable padded inserts.

    Andy: I’m getting into town the day before the wedding, so I think I’m screwed if they don’t get it right. I heard that every Men’s warehouse tux is shipped from Houston and that none of the stores actually keeps them on hand. I’m going to try to drop five pounds before the wedding – too big I can live with, too small isn’t so easy.

    Now – what to put in the flask. I’m a gin man, but not straight out of a flask. Maybe blackberry brandy.

  6. I defer to vkd, don’t piss off the bride. Wear the shiny shoes. Hell hath no fury….

  7. Dick, buy the damn tux. Then you can wear it to the next MVP Summit and we can all laugh at you. Get the light blue polyester model with ruffles.

  8. Hahahaha,
    My BROTHER is getting “hitched” in mid August. I, THANK GODDDDDD!!!! am not the best man, few! In my case i will be staying sober, and waering some new shoes – very sore feet – but not a tux.
    I actually bought a tux for my Uni ball, it was only about L150 and like you say renting one was about L70. So i reasoned that i only have to wear it 2 more times to be quids in (maybe only once with inflation ;-),), i have yet to wear it agian, but i’m keeping my fingures crossed.
    One the whole – water/caffien thing, maybe Ginsing(?) less of a diuretic?
    Just think in a few weeks we can compare stories – bet i have more luck with the brides maids that you! – lol

  9. “bet i have more luck with the brides maids that you!”

    No doubt. I’ll expect a full update.

  10. Wear your own shoes. I wore shiny rental shoes at a wedding once and contracted a toenail infection that went through about a year and a half of medical treatments before finally requiring surgery. I haven’t worn rental shoes since (well, except for bowling twice). At my own wedding, everyone wore nice morning suits and I said just bring your own black dress shoes. People aren’t looking at the shoes anyway unless they’re Chuck Taylor or sandlas or something.

    Great blog, by the way.

  11. Weel kids, i’m now at the wedding, and yes, i’ve found time to get on the net (FOC!), and make this post. So my brother is now a wed man (OH MY GOD!!!!)at the reception, drunk as a sunk, and i’ll have to stop tying, and go and find some chicks… photos to follow.

    Crazy post!!!!!

    by the way it’s in scotland, and it’s bloody lovely!!!!!!!!!!

    Take care all. x

    yeah i’m drunk!

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